Exaggerating or not, Monday and Tuesday were given to me to challenge my resolve.
Monday I met up with Brian at Anytime Fitness to do a 9 mile moderate run. I HATE the treadmill and run poorly on it, but because it was something like -20 degrees out (air temp), I decided to suck it up and get on the 'mill.
I decided that since it was a HR specific workout, I'd try a hill program on the TM and just keep my HR in the prescribed zone.
All was well until about 3.5 miles. I don't know if it was the hills or what, but I had to stop & pretend like I had to use the bathroom. Really, I stopped because my hamstrings were screaming at me and I was using WAY too much effort for the paces I was hitting. I used my bathroom break to "reset" my hip (as per my PT's recommendation, when thing start going south!) and just to stretch in general.
I told myself: it's not that bad, Nichole, keep at it! Except, it was. At 5 miles I slowed to 10:00 MILES and was still keeping my HR in the "moderate" zone - I remember looking down and seeing 173. For 10:00 miles? ARRRGHHHH. What?
I was also having to grab the bar to make sure I wasn't going to trip. Wow.
I remember looking over at the girl next to me. For the first time in a while, I envied how easily she ran. Her stride wasn't forced, she wasn't straining - and she was running 8:00 miles. Ohh, to feel that effortless again!
I stopped the treadmill, tried to explain my symptoms to Brian, and then moved over to the good ol' elliptical machine. The pride took a hit there :).
Tuesday was similar. I lasted just 3.5 miles with a lot of stretching breaks. What is going on here? A ton of negative feelings flooded back, recalling the struggle and strain of all of my runs this fall. I know the journey back will have ups and downs, but I just wasn't prepared to feel this awful straining feeling again. *Sigh*
I let myself dwell on these workouts too much. Sorry to Nate and Craig who had to hear about the workouts that evening.
As I went to bed Tuesday evening, feeling out of shape (soft, even! I've gained weight and know it hasn't been muscle mass), still broken, etc, I reminded myself that I can choose how I respond to my situation. Be "negative Nancy" or be "relentlessly positive Nichole". And yes, SO cheesy, but hey, whatever works.
|When's the last time you had a Cheeto? :) And isn't that a weird name? Cheeto... hmm...|
I can't change where I'm at, and coming back from being this over-trained/over-raced (or whatever the heck this is) will take a long time. It will come. In the meantime, I can pour myself into trusting Chris and doing workouts as written, even if they're on the elliptical. I'm the queen of getting fit/staying fit on that machine! (And do actually like it, have to admit) I can take my strength sessions more seriously and really work on flexibility. I can start to eat like an athlete again (i.e.defined meals with good ratios, timed snacks, etc) vs. just eating when hungry and not paying attention to quantities.
I also read Ariana's latest blog post (here) and something in it resonated with me. I actually am inspired to make some sort of motivation board (I don't think I've ever said that in my life)! It's also motivating to see that she has come back from a big injury and is now running really well, but also still focusing on the little things she needs to become stronger.
Apologies to bring you along through this bumpy up and down period, but I always feel better after blogging :). Thanks for listening! Now, off to my strength session for the day! Should be fun!